


hey harumaki what's your pussy size

by PandoraTheExplorer



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Periods, i came up with this idea this morning and wrote it in two hours, kaito is dumb and doesn't know what a period is, shuichi knows what a period is but he is also dumb, yes this is based on that one meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 01:57:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18174323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandoraTheExplorer/pseuds/PandoraTheExplorer
Summary: “Are you sure this is what she meant by ‘pads,’ Shuichi?” Kaito asked, looking at the foam bricks laid in front of them.“Maybe?” said Shuichi, “I just know you need to put something in your...you know...to catch the blood. I think these might be it?”“Some of these pads look a little big. Do you know what pussy size Harumaki wears?”ORMaki regrets sending two idiots on an errand.





	hey harumaki what's your pussy size

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this instead of my book report help.

Maki seemed a lot more tired after training, and this morning she seemed grumpier than usual. Shuichi had just chalked it up to “Harukawa-san being Harukawa-san,” but Kaito was worried that something was actually wrong-until Maki approached him and Shuichi after breakfast, that is.

“Can I ask you guys a favor?” she said. Kaito noticed that she was paler than usual and was clutching her stomach with one hand.

“Sure, Harumaki,” he said, “What’s up?”

“I’m not feeling well,” Maki said, confirming Kaito’s suspicions that she was sick, “I think I’m going back to my room for the day. Can you guys just drop by the warehouse and grab some pads for me?”

Kaito was about to ask what pads she was talking about when Shuichi turned red. “A-ah,” Shuichi said, “So it’s...that.”

“What do you mean-“

“Don’t be weird about it,” Maki huffed, “It’s just my period.”

“Period of what?” Kaito asked.

Maki’s eyes widened. “You know what?” she said, “This was a bad idea.” She winced and grabbed her stomach tighter. “I’ll just go get some myself.”

“It’s fine!” Kaito said, “Shuichi knows what you’re talking about. We’ll get those pads for you. Go lie down. If you’re sick, we can fetch some cold medicine too.”

“That’s not-“

“Momota-kun, I don’t think...”

“Let’s go, Shuichi!”

Maki looked like she was about thirty percent sure that Kaito and Shuichi were both going to die, but eventually relented and went back to her room. Shuichi, who seemed to be regretting most of his recent life decisions, stuttered out an explanation of what a period was. Kaito was horrified. How does Maki even stand it? From the way Shuichi described it, Maki would have to pee out some of her internal organs-and every month, no less! No wonder she seemed so pale.

“Shuichi!” Kaito said when they reached the warehouse, “We need to support Harumaki.”

“For her period or in general?” Shuichi asked.

“Both!” Kaito gave an encouraging grin. “Harumaki said she’s on her period so we gotta be too!”

“Momota-kun I don’t think that’s how that works-“

“It’s called a uterUS, Shuichi!” Kaito pumped his fist in the air. “Now,” he said, “What are pads?”

~

They searched the warehouse with a fine-toothed comb, but with Shuichi’s limited and Kaito’s complete lack of knowledge on feminine hygiene products, they had to reconvene after an hour with nothing but a stack of styrofoam padding.

“Are you sure this is what she meant by ‘pads,’ Shuichi?” Kaito asked, looking at the foam bricks laid in front of them.

“Maybe?” said Shuichi, “I just know you need to put something in your...you know...to catch the blood. I think these might be it?”

Kaito scrutinized the “pads.” A few of them were longer than his arm.

“What size do we need?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“Some of these pads look a little big. Do you know what pussy size Harumaki wears?”

Shuichi once again turned red. “W-why would I know that?” he squeaked.

“If we don’t know her size, then what if we get the wrong one?”

Shuichi sighed. “Maybe we should get a few of every size, just in case?”

~

“What the hell is this,” Maki deadpanned fifteen minutes later as the two boys stumbled into her room with armfuls of styrofoam bricks. “You guys had one job.”

“Did we get the wrong pussy size?” Kaito asked.

“Momota-kun,” Shuichi whispered, “I don’t think that’s what that’s called.”

“What,” said Maki.

“Sorry,” said Kaito, holding up a pad that was about half the size of a mattress, “I told Shuichi some of these were too big!”

“That’s okay, Harukawa-san.” Shuichi, despite his keen observation skills, seemed to neglect the death glare Maki was giving them. “If they’re too big, we can always cut them so they’re the right size.”

Maki groaned and buried her face in her hands, sinking to the floor. “I should have just gotten them myself,” she said, her voice muffled by her hands.

Kaito, not entirely sure what he did wrong, knelt next to Maki. “I’m sorry,” he said, “We can go get the right pads this time.”

“Ah,” Shuichi said, “Maybe it would be easier to just ask another girl to do it.”

As if right on cue, a knock sounded at the door. Shuichi opened it to reveal Tsumugi, who was holding a small stack of what seemed like very flat packages of tissues.

“I heard you guys talking next door,” Tsumugi explained, “I have some extra pads so I was wondering if Harukawa-san wanted-“ She stopped as her eyes fell on the pile of styrofoam lying on the floor around the trio.

Maki got up and deftly snatched the pads from Tsumugi’s hand. “Thank you,” she said as Tsumugi gave an awkward smile to the boys and hurried out of the room.

“Oh!” Kaito said, “Is that what a pad looks like?”

“Yes,” Maki grumbled, “Now take all of your ‘pads’ back. My whole body hurts and I don’t want to talk to either of you.”

~

As soon as they left Maki’s room, Kaito grabbed Shuichi’s hand and pulled him out the dorms. “Come on,” he said, “We’re going to the library!”

Shuichi paled. “What? Why?”

“We’re gonna learn exactly how periods work,” Kaito explained, “And then we’re gonna figure out what to do about Harumaki’s cramps!”

**Author's Note:**

> You know that one meme where it's like "BAE IS ON HERE PERIOD SO I AM TOO IT'S UTER-US!!!!" yeah that's it. anyway i know that as people who know things about science shuichi and kaito probably know what periods are but consider this: it's funny.


End file.
